Got a brand new laptop today.My kind-hearted friend who is based in Dubai bought me one.On the condition that I pay him back whenever I am able, not bad eh? Kaya salamat sa kanya, I have a computer to write my blog on.
Why BLOG? Actually, patz of iampatzs.blogspot.com has been telling me for the longest time to write about my thoughts, my "BEH" ( my term of endearment for him which is short for baby or bebeh in swardspeak ) proceded on creating one for me. It was the 12th of March when he prompted me to post a blog, now it is the 27th and I am still struggling to compose an article. He is always teasing me about my habit to always procrastinate. Well, I am guilty as charged. Couldn't win an argument with him anyway, hahaha.
Anyways, since it was him who mentored me into doing this, then I will write about him.
It was April of last year that patz and I met. I moved into the door next to his'. He is a very likeable person, he had good vibes written all over him ( you should thank me for this beh, hahaha ). I am in awe of his many talents, he is a writer, an artist, a photo enthusiast, and a music afficionado. He is a creative soul, always busying himself in learning new things that would enrich his talent. Being a regular boring person that I was, we were on opposite sides of the spectrum. But nonetheless we became friends. To say that we opened up our innermost feelings with each other is an understatement. He would know when my episode of depression would start, I could sense when his would start. He would always catch me " ZONING OUT" (hence the blog name). He calls me the Zone Out Girl. I have rubbed this habit on him, hahaha. He has episodes of zoning out himself.
I am not the kind to share what I feel with someone, I was very afraid to appear as someone who is vulnerable. Being the first born, my parents expected me to be tough. I made it appear to everyone else that I am strong thus hiding my feeling of weakness. I only share stories of triumph with family and friends editing out the times when I felt I was very weak. I would clam up when I am in a bad situation, shutting my world from my closest friends. One even complained that I am so good at helping her out when she is feeling low but I don't ask her for help when I need it. Patzs addressed that flaw head on, whenever he feels I am feeling low or that I am hiding a bad experience from him, he would persistently pester me with questions until I spill the beans. He has seen me in my most vulnerable state.
The most vivid one was when I lost my new job. It was a hard blow because I was very hopeful that since the job came in on the first month of the year, then it entailed new beginnings, a fresh start. That hope was shattered. I was broken. We were lying on the floor on our sides facing each other and looking each other in the eye. I was crying while I told him about my frustration. I didn't see any trace of judgment in his eyes, there was only understanding and compassion. My display of weakness might put others off , but I am grateful that he just listened and let me be. That was my first display of KRUNG KRUNGNESS, which means being crazy. He has been witness to many episodes after that, hahaha.
When it was his turn to be in a "krung-krung" state, I was happy to return the favor and served as his sounding board. We shared this special bond and we were okay with our lives. Until he decided to go back to his hometown. The idea of having no one to share my problems with was unbearable but he had to spend time with his family back home. I am sad but I am happy at the same time. He needs this, he needs quiet time to evaluate and plan for his future. I will miss the dvd movie marathons and shared meals but I know the friendship would not end.
We still keep in touch. Updating each other on how our day went. He is currently going around in his hometown on his motorbike, exploring local beaches, watering holes and coffee shops. He keeps me updated on his adventure stories on our daily phone conversation. Thank God for unlimited texting and call, hahaha. I so hate him because he is just enjoying himself and I envy him.
Whilst I, am currently hoping to land a new job here in Manila and be up on my feet again.
After being broken I feel that I am ready to face life's challenges again. I am grateful that I have my family and friends behind me. Thank you BEH for putting up with my krung-krungness. I plan to visit him someday. So looking forward to that.